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In this Article:
- How you can increase feelings of love in your life
- Simple steps to boost love daily
- Understanding and cultivating loving attitudes
- Practical ways to show love and compassion
- How to transform your relationships with love
Five Easy Ways to Increase Feelings of Love
by Jude Bijou.
You've heard the trite expression "love is an inside job." You’d better believe it, because every person has a different experience in any given situation.
For the ones with full hearts, who lead with love, their experience will be glorious. For the ones who are impatient, holding a grudge, or feeling bad about themselves or judging others, love will be overshadowed by those attitudes.
It’s important to remember we are masters of our own destinies and have choice at every moment. Whether we chose to give in to our wounds or come from love is up to us.
Traits of Truly Loving Folks
Do you ever wonder what traits truly loving folks have in common? According to Attitude Reconstruction they have four.
First, they speak and act aligned with their heart, not from “should”. Second, they genuinely accept other people, things, and situations. Third, they are not judgmental but show compassion and empathy to all. And last, they are not selfish but give to others without a personal motive except to show others they care and offer help. Giving is the secret sauce to feel love.
Most of us already possess some of these loving attitudes to some degree. If you yearn for more love, you don't have to make a complete transformation before tomorrow. Just take some little steps each day and I guarantee you’ll immediately notice the difference in how you feel.
Five Easy Ways to Increase Feelings of Love
1. Give up your expectations
Your expectations and lack of acceptance of other people, things, and situations are what is keeping you feeling angry and judgmental. Instead, over and over, remind yourself that people and things are the way they are. Only then will you be able to respond to whatever opportunity is presenting itself from a centered and loving place.
You don't have to agree. Just accept that that's what is true for them and speak up what’s true for you. I suggest you repeat the following eleven times a day (or more): "People and situations are the way they are, not the way I want them to be." Before you know it, you’ll start to believe what you’re saying.
2. Stop focusing on what's lacking in others, and what they are or aren't doing
Look within to determine what would be most loving or best for the greater good. Hold your tongue, which means stop giving unsolicited advice. Say something nice. Look for the good. Ask yourself: “What would be the most loving thing to say or do right now?" Line up and do that.
3. Give
The act of giving contradicts the tendency to be selfish or self-centered - a stance that goes hand in hand with unexpressed anger. Ask: "How can I help? What can I do?" Then do it without looking for acknowledgment in return. Do it for the feeling you'll get when you give. Forget the notion of needing praise for your efforts.
Offer a helping hand. Little gestures offer love in a tangible form. Volunteer to do the dishes. Run an errand. Bring flowers. Call a friend who is sick or who you haven’t seen lately. Write a love note. These acts of kindness will kindle your heart.
4. Voice appreciations, praise, and gratitudes to yourself and others
Look for the good in people and attend to the half full in any situation. Write out appreciations, especially about people you are having difficulty with. Rigorously interrupt your trashy thinking and replace it with something positive.
Attending to the positive is not “sucking up”. It’s paying attention to the half full. Look for the good whether it’s a characteristic, quality, or action. Look hard. It’s buried there somewhere. Then voice it. Maybe say something nice to others. Try it with family members as they leave the house each morning. It can be hard at first, but it gets easier. Eventually you’ll actually enjoy coming up with a different appreciation every day.
“Look for the good and praise it” is a wise saying. Just as expressing your gratitude for something as simple as someone offering you a ride, fixing dinner, cleaning the house, or helping solve a problem at work. I guarantee this will warm your heart. We all like to be recognized for our efforts, even if they don’t meet our standards.
5. Listen
Listening is a powerful and wonderful way to give. You’re giving someone your full attention. That means no multi-tasking, checking your phone, or rolling your eyes, or thinking about what you want to say. Just listen to truly hear and try to understand what they are saying.
A great way to get back in the habit of listening is to set time to “talk-and-listen” for just a few minutes a day. You can do an exercise where each person gets uninterrupted time to talk about what’s on his or her mind while the other listens with a genuine desire to understand. This is not a discussion. It’s a time to just talk and listen.
While listening, strive to imagine walking in the other person’s shoes. For five minutes (set a timer) talk without interruption, then switch roles. The second person doesn’t respond to what the first one said. They focus on sharing about what’s going on for them. This activity is also great to do around the dinner table. Just two minutes each for everyone to share their victories and obstacles does wonders to honor everyone in the family.
The Long and Short of It
People who come from love are positive and strive to find solutions to differences that best honor everyone concerned. Do a little something every day, and you'll feel more love and feel more connected to others. As well, others will be much more attracted to you.
©2024 by Jude Bijou, M.A., M.F.T.
All Rights Reserved.
Book by this Author: Attitude Reconstruction
Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life
by Jude Bijou, M.A., M.F.T.
With practical tools and real-life examples, this book can help you stop settling for sadness, anger, and fear, and infuse your life with joy, love, and peace. Jude Bijou's comprehensive blueprint will teach you to: ? cope with family members' unsolicited advice, cure indecision with your intuition, deal with fear by expressing it physically, create closeness by truly talking and listening, improve your social life, increase staff morale in just five minutes a day, handle sarcasm by visualizing it flying by, carve out more time for yourself by clarifying your priorities, ask for a raise and get it, stop fighting via two easy steps, cure kids' tantrums constructively. You can integrate Attitude Reconstruction into your daily routine, regardless of your spiritual path, cultural background, age, or education.
For more info and/or to order this book, click here. Also available as a Kindle edition.
About the Author
Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT), an educator in Santa Barbara, California and the author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life.
In 1982, Jude launched a private psychotherapy practice and started working with individuals, couples, and groups. She also began teaching communication courses through Santa Barbara City College Adult Education.
Visit her website at AttitudeReconstruction.com/
Article Recap:
Five simple steps to increase feelings of love in your daily life. By understanding and embracing loving attitudes, you can transform your relationships and enhance your overall well-being. Learn how to cultivate compassion, empathy, and genuine acceptance to create a more loving and fulfilling life.
